I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
