He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is it because I queefed?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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