i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
