So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
