i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
