You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
