I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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