It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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