Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
