Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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