so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
