I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Couch. On fire.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
