3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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