i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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