he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
