my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
