my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
4 words: hood of his car
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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