Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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