I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
