So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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