I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
