You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
