I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
