its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
