i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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