Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize