Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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