you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
