the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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