I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My life is pants optional.
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