i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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