why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize