His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
