This is not my ceiling
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize