I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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