dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
