There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
