I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
