I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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