haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
