garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
