so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize