if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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