I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
