false alarm. still invincible.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
