I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
