that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
