she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize