I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The Olympian is in my bed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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