guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
