yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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