It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
