I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
