I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
