he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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