haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
