apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
