It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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