That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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