im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize