i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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