It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
