cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
