Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
