i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
