i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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