Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
