why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
