My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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