like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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