Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
