is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
