I wish I could teleport
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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