Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
